Drunk Note
by Scaramouche Khashoggi
Summary: Matt and Mello decide to introduce L and Near to their favorite drinking game. Slightly crack riddled one-shot. Rated T for language and drinking.


**Dedicated to Tatsu-Borreik. Thanks for the encouragement and getting me to read that damn manga/anime you're always cosplaying.**

**Don't know when or how this would work in chronology, just go with it. Perhaps it happened prior to Kira and the like. Not like I own Death Note anyway. Also, don't take this seriously, it's just FanFiction.**

L looked at the table with mild fascination. He was aware of the concept of beer pong, he had heard about it; he had even read about it once when Mello gave him an article discussing the apparently popular drinking game. He had never given the game much thought though. But he watched Mello and Matt with a renewed interest in the game when they arranged a triangle of six plastic cups at each end of the table.

"If the game is called beer pong, why do we fill the cups with water instead of beer?" L asked from his perch upon Mello's bed.

"'Cause if we spill the cups, it won't stain the carpet and Watari will never know we've been drinking while he's out," Matt rolled his eyes as he made sure his triangle was perfectly symmetrical. For a genius L could ask really stupid questions sometimes he thought.

Watari had left the three alone with Near to attend to some business in France. Their guardian and mentor would be out of town the entire weekend. Mello and Matt had decided to take advantage of not having Watari around and introduce the other two to the amusing drinking game.

There was a knock at the door, and Near shuffled in with two clear bottles filled with bright liquid. "Are you all set up?" he asked expectantly.

"What the hell is in those?" Mello asked, gesturing to Near's bottles.

"My special punch," Near answered defensively. "I just mixed it myself before coming in."

Matt and Mello nodded, deciding that the 'special punch' would serve as Near's drink for the night. Mello went to the mini fridge he kept under his bed and began to hand out chilled bottles to the other residents of his bedroom. L was soon pouring himself a cup of strawberry schnapps while Matt prepared several shots of vodka.

Mello popped the lid off of his bottle of beer and took a quick swig before shooting a competitive glare at the others. "Who's ready to learn how to play beer pong?"

After explaining the rules the assembly, they broke off into teams. Originally, Mello and Matt had planned to be on the same team, but L had quickly pointed out that it would be unfair for the two who had never played before to start off on the same team. After Mello vehemently refused to have Near on his team, the platinum blonde teamed up with Matt while Mello stood across from them next to L.

Game 1: Mello and L vs. Matt and Near

Within the first five minutes of the game it became apparent that L had no flare for beer pong. Perhaps it was due to his token slouch or lack of previous exposure to games involving aim, but whatever the reason, his ping pong balls kept bouncing away from the cups, usually falling two inches too short.

Mellow was only a little better than L. He got his throws into the cups as frequently as he got them to bounce right off the edge of the plastic cups.

All were shocked when Near sank the first ball of the game. L had good naturedly taken a drink of his schnapps while Mello muttered about dumb luck through his swig of beer.

The game had ended in Matt and Near's favor. Mello and L had only been able to land three cups in the time it took the other team to effectively sink a ping pong ball into each cup. Mello was into his third beer by the end of the game. Both L and Near were half way through their first drinks. Matt was only three shots into his stash of vodka.

Game 2: Matt and Mello vs. L and Near

Matt and Mello convinced the others two to let them be on the same team for the second game. They had argued this to only be fair, as they believed that both L and Near now had been exposed to enough beer pong to understand the general concepts.

Now with beer coursing through his system, Mello began to work trick shots off the walls, often landing his ping pong ball into a plastic cup with ease. Matt countered this with his fairly straight forward style. They began to gain ground in this game, knocking out a majority of L and Near's cups. The report the two developed caused L to have to poor himself a second cup of strawberry schnapps.

Luckily for the underdog team, Near's skill soon caught his team up to Mello and Matt. Eventually the teams were down to a single cup in front of each.

In a moment of high tension, Matt succeeded in getting his ping pong ball into the opposing team's cup. L's rebuttal throw bounced harmlessly away, never getting within two inches of his and Mello's final cup. The triumphant gleam in Mello's eyes vanished when Near sank his throw without a moment's hesitation. This triumph cause both teams to create a triangle of three cups for a sudden death round.

"Why don't we make sudden death interesting," Matt suggested, "and make it so that every time we get a throw into the cup the other team has to drink double what they usually do?" To his surprise L and Near readily agreed with this new rule. Mello's agreement did not really surprise anyone.

Four shots, a bottle of bear, Near's remaining first bottle of 'special punch', and half a cup of strawberry schnapps later, both teams were once again facing down the target of a single cup. Near's toss bounced off the rim of Mello and Matt's remaining cup, causing the two to grin wickedly. L hobbled to the edge of the table and seemed to take aim of the cup across the table. He lofted his ping pong ball, causing it to bounce sharply off the ceiling and shoot straight into Matt and Mello's cup. The two stared in shock at L's first successful throw of the night.

L smiled crookedly, "There was an 89.17% chance that that had to happen sometime tonight."

"Fuck this," Mello muttered, whipping his ping pong ball against the wall to start his and Matt's rebuttal. His shots had become sloppier at the start of the sudden death match, and this particular shot was no different. The ball flew a foot over Near and L's cup, breaking a desk lamp in the process.

Matt rolled his eyes. Mello tended to be fairly useless in this game after four beers and he was used to his friend's antics. Without a word he tossed his ping pong ball into the opposing team's cup.

"Triple sudden death?" L asked. "Does this mean we should drink three times as much as usual?"

Mello and Matt exchanged a glance. They had never played with a rule like that before.

"I have no problem with that," Near responded sweetly.

Mello glared at Near, "Neither do I, let's do it. And to make it more interesting, winner gets to dare the loosing team to do something." All participants agreed to these stipulations easily with their given drinks in their system.

Once again the triangle of three water filled plastic cups were assembled in front of each team.

It came down to each team having only one cup left once again. L's toss missed, and Near's throw was deflected by Mello when the ping pong ball began to spin around the interior of the cup.

Mello's fanciful throw did nothing but nearly give L a concussion if he had not sidestepped the swift moving ball. Matt tossed his ping pong ball, and watched as the ball bounced away from the rim of the cup.

"Damn," he hissed at the happy smiles across the table from him.

Near smiled across to Matt and Mello, "So we still get to dare you guys to do something right?"

"What do you want?" Mello growled, regretting his previous addition to the game. He wasn't sure what those two could come up with. L was beginning to sway back and forth a bit, and he didn't look like he was in the right mind to do anything malicious. Near was his wild card though. He had never seen the light haired man drink before and he was shifting his weight back and forth from foot to foot and twirling his hair more than usual.

Suddenly a spark flew into Near's eyes. "I know what you two can do," he said, his smile widening. "You can give each other a quick kiss."

"Wha-" Mello began to argue, only to be cut off by Matt's lips covering his own. A few seconds later Matt pulled away. He was lucky that all the alcohol in Mello's system prevented him from acting quickly, or else he would have been pummeled instantly.

"Figured I might as well get it over with," Matt shrugged, not meeting his friend's eyes. He slid his goggles, which had been hanging around his neck all night, over his eyes."Now, let's get them back."

Mello smiled and picked up a ping pong ball in what he hoped was a menacing fashion. "Winners get to make the next dare."

Game 3: Matt and Mello vs. L and Near (again)

The third game was fierce, but the true competition was only between two players. Mello was too distracted to sink any of his throws. L seemed to have lost interest in this new game, and put forth even less effort into his throws. This made the true competition between only Matt and Near. For every throw one succeeded in landing into a cup, the other one soon found the same victory.

After a quick round they were each down to a single cup once again. Near's throw bounced off a rim while Matt's throw went right in. Both L and Near's rebuttal throws bounced away from the cup.

Before Matt could confer with his teammate on what they should dare the other two to do, Mello shouted out, "Kiss, on the lips. That's your dare."

L and Near glanced at each other in uncertainty. Mello couldn't actually expect them to kiss, could he?

Mello smirked at them, obviously enjoying their discomfort. "Karma, thy name is bitch. Now kiss damn it."

L and Near tentatively leaned in and exchanged a quick and chaste peck on the lips. Near then looked evenly at Mello before declaring, "Same rule for the next round, winner makes a dare."

Game 4

Matt was startled by the sudden influx in Near's accuracy. He tried to keep up, but the shots were starting to wear down on him. He still had three cups to clear away in front of L and Near when Near managed to land a ping pong ball into Matt and Mello's last cup. Mello's rebuttal flew two feet away from the cup after ricocheting off the ceiling. His shout of rage distracted Matt, which cause the red head's throw to fall inches short of any cup.

Near and L huddled together to debate over various ideas they could use. Finally they broke apart, and Near smiled at them innocently while twirling a lock of hair around his finger. "We decided that you two have to run a lap around the outside of the house."

"That's it?"

"Well, you will be streaking while you do it."

"What?" Matt stammered out.

"There really isn't too much of a problem," L began to explain as he sipped some of his schnapps, "Its only one in the morning, so there is only a 3% chance anyone will actually see you."

After three more protests, all four were in the foyer of Wammy's House. Matt and Mello were glaring at the other two while wrapped in quilts. "We will never forgive you for this," Matt hissed. He had managed to let the two allow him to keep his yellow goggles, just as they had allowed Mello to keep one of his rosaries around his neck. Besides these items, they had nothing between them and the quilts they currently held.

"Of course you won't" L answered patronizingly.

Mello was glaring death at Near when the blonde opened the door. Without a word Mello and Matt tossed their quilts to the floor and dashed out the door. Near closed the door and after a moment of thought locked it as well.

"Near," L asked, "what are you doing?"

"I figured I should lock up in case any lunatics tried to break in. You never know who is running around out there at this hour."

L nodded and followed his friend up the stairs. "I've been meaning to ask, may I try some of that special punch you made?"

Near complied with the request and handed the remaining bottle to L. The dark haired genius took a cautionary sniff before having a taste. His eyes widened. "There is no alcohol in this."

"I never said there was. I only recall saying that it was my special punch, which it was. It's a special blend of several fruit juices and very tasty."

L watched him walk down the hall in surprise. He shrugged and wandered into his own room before collapsing onto his bed to sleep off the alcohol in his system. Sometimes people were just full of surprises.

Outside, Mello and Matt shivered in the cold night air as they slammed their fists against the door.

"Let us in you assholes!"


End file.
